


Do the right thing

by Leor_Ataraxia



Series: Too late to try [1]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Angst without a happy ending, Book 5: The Blood of Olympus (Heroes of Olympus), Canon Compliant, Depression, Gen, Prompt: No Mental Healthcare, Self Confidence Issues, Self Esteem Issues, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:22:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28231623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leor_Ataraxia/pseuds/Leor_Ataraxia
Summary: Is another sleepless night in the Argo II for Jason, but what is keeping him awake?
Series: Too late to try [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1979878
Kudos: 14
Collections: Banned Together Bingo 2020





	Do the right thing

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the grammar mistakes, I'm still learning English.
> 
> This is part of Banned Together Bingo, the prompt is "No Mental Healthcare"

Jason's insomnia was going to be his downfall, he was sure of it. 

He has tried to hide it the best he could, just like the rest of his worries, but things were slowly slipping between his fingers like water, no matter how hard he tries to hold it, it just getting dropping out. The closest call was in Ithaca, when he almost...gave up.

That put chills in his body; he has thought of dying before, he has lived always knowing he was a demigod and how they rarely live long lives; and when being a soldier of two wars, he needed to accustom to the thought that he may die. Sometimes he thought it wouldn't be so bad, he could at least land in Asphodelus, he would just walk aimlessly, without a destination or a worry, finally out of sorrows. 

Yet it wasn't until that island that he thought that he wanted to actually die. 

How much credit he can take for snapping out of it? Seeing his mother shocked him, sure, but how come he got so worked up the idea of dying appeared almost appealing? He tries to not think about it, to believe the spirit of his mom had somehow influenced him, but it didn't translate truly to his real feelings. Because it was ridiculous, right?

_"You are a fighter"_

Jason winced at the memory of those words, feeling even more like an impostor after it. He couldn't deny it, not without unpacking even more stuff that he couldn't say out loud, and the fact that Piper's response was that just hurt more. It felt like his feelings weren't valid, like his worries were unjustified. 

_"Because they are, you idiot,"_ a voice in his head says, and part of him just wants to curl in a ball just by the mere thought of hearing it, yet he resists the impulse _"Are you really that weak? You fought the Trojan Sea Monster, defeated Krios with your bare hands, and a visit from your mother makes you feel like this? Can you be even more pathetic?"_

Hearing those words makes him feel like he a lump in his throat, hands sweating enough that he needed to clean in it the sheets, feeling more like an idiot for needing to do that. 

It was the truth, he was sure of it. He should be able to handle it, what was the Legion but to make efficient Soldiers? He may have his problems with Camp Jupiter in the past, but it was the place that raised him and the reason why he is the guy he is today. And is not like he has it the worst either; Percy and Annabeth just went to Tartarus, Hazel had actually died, Nico lived a life full of sorrows for the past three years, Leo lost his mother at the age of eight and had been wandering alone until he landed on Camp Half-Blood. And he has the balls to complain?

That's why he hasn't said anything, because it was stupid; his friends have suffered so much in their lives, to the point he feels like a child throwing a tantrum when he thought of his own problems like actual issues. So what if he got kidnapped as a child? He had a home in Camp Jupiter, a warm bed and three meals a day. So what if he was pushed to become a praetor? That was an honour some people would kill to get, roman demigods trained years, fighting tooth and nail for it, and he acted like it was an obligation instead of a gift? 

_"You are a brat"_ the voice did not sound a lot like his mother, and that made him wince, yet lie perfectly still in his bed, knowing full well a more meaningful reaction would just get him more ridicule.

It almost felt like she was in front of him, judging every action he did; and while part of him knew he shouldn't try to please her, the child inside him wanted nothing but hope he could make her proud, even when she was now in the underworld and couldn't actually see him. He would do anything for some words of praise; from her, his father, his sister, anyone.

But he actually deserves it? 

He could think of most words that fit him; stupid, moronic, weak, it was almost an infinite list. It didn't matter how hard he tried, it was never enough; not for the Romans, for his father, or probably for anybody he knew. 

Jason was given so many gifts; his powers, his status, his lineage, and that came with a price that may he not wanted, but is what it was. He needed to comply with certain things, he couldn't break promises or certain expectations. Because a long time ago, a mother, supposed to always take care of her kids and love them unconditionally, went against that notion and decided to give him away like he was an object that could be gifted. How was he better, if he also went against the expectations of being strong, of helping others? 

He could feel his hands trembling, imagining the consequences of those actions. Nico, going to obscurity forever because nobody was there to help him to accept himself, Piper, crying her eyes out because he broke her heart with his careless actions, Leo, dead because he wasn't the storm that stopped Gaea. 

Jason needed to hold it together, otherwise who would be there for his loved ones? Who would lend a hand to rescue them if he wasn't strong enough to lift them? Who would repel the monsters if he didn't fight them? Who would die if he wasn't fast enough?

 _"That's right,"_ Jason thought for himself, swallowing the unnecessary bile in his throat, because why he should be sad for this _"If me or the others, it should be me, that's how things should be"_

He wouldn't complain, or talk about it, because it was absurd anyway; this was his birthright, to be there for his friends. 

How he could complain about doing the right thing? 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this like a month ago, at first I didn't like it a lot, but I read it today and hey, I actually think is not bad; it may not be perfect but still.
> 
> Hope somebody likes this work. 
> 
> See ya.


End file.
